Holiday Recap...

Well, the holidays have come and gone, and I guess it is time for a recap. Worked Christmas Eve till 8:15, so I missed Christmas at G'ma Sue's house. It was still fun to show up for the after-party. Good time with the family, just goofing off and making fun of each other, as those that love each other can do. I got see my awesome cousins, that I never see, catch up on the family news, and hear stories that I never want to hear mentioned again (Uncle William, that was for you).

Christmas Day I went to church at West View as usual, where we had a candlelight service based on the Advent wreath. It was....awkward. Never mind that they put the entire thing on the projector (just once, I would love to hear a hymn in parts, from the songbook. Also, the reader and the readings are supposed to be the focal point, not the rolling projector....), but it was kind of hard to see the point of a candlelight service with the sun streaming through the two-story stained glass window in the back of the sanctuary.

After church, we went to Grandma Carolyn's, where we ate breakfast....at 1 pm... Then, while everyone was chilling out, I went to the guest bedroom and stretched out on the floor, completely missing the whole present deal. Oh well.  I guess I noticed this year the disconnect between the two sides of the family.  I'll make that another topic later on.....

We then came home and did Christmas here. I have made a vow that I am moving out by August 1. I love my parents, but I can't stand living here...I'll do another post on that.... Anyway, I guess I'll recap New Year's later on.

Where I am today.

Today, I feel a lot of conflicting emotions. Dread, uncertainty, and dark clouds have obscured the previously sunny day. Extraction of the fever that now inhabits my brain is the only thing that can save me. Honestly, what I need is an exorcism. God, please bind that which binds me. Set me free. From myself. From foolish desires and fantasies. From my own shortsightedness. Help me focus on you. Your ways are higher than my ways. Your thoughts higher than mine. Thank you for shining out, even in the darkness of my own despair.

Psalm 40:1-6
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.
Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.
Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.
Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but my ears you have pierced ;
burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
Then I said, "Here I am, I have come-- it is written about me in the scroll.
I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."

Praise the Lord, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits—

3who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

4who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

5who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.- Psalm 103:1-5

Where I am, and where I am going....

So.... believing in full disclosure, and in an effort to dispel all facades, I guess I will start out with where I am at the moment.

I find myself at a crossroads that I have been at often in the last five years. I could take the path of least resistance, as I have before. I find myself fighting the desire to give up on what I know is right. I just feel like...I am missing something. I know what my life should be like, I see the divide between what I am and what I should be, but I have no clue what the answer is to bridge the divide. I am not responsible. I am not motivated. I just...drift...

Efforts to turn my life from the doldrums have failed. I have failed people many times over, until some of them have just given up, and with good reason.

So that's where I am, and have been. Where I go from here, only heaven knows, and only time will tell.

Welcome!

This is just a space I made to talk about what I want to talk about. Some of it will be personal-observations, comments on growth, things like that. Other posts will be about my Christian walk, living life, my thoughts on culture, politics, economics, just whatever. Feel free to leave comments, subject ideas, rebuttals, just whatever you want to say, within reason, of course. Thank you for following.  Ky. NRJE